The Lord Mends a Family

I am going to share an amazing story with you, but first I need to introduce to you my friend, Greta. It's amazing how I met my new friend. I moved into my new house in March and I had my carpets cleaned before I moved in. As we were moving in, I noticed that there were a lot of spots that remained on my carpet. I called the company to let them know and they rescheduled me to have them resteamed. This time they sent a new carpet cleaner and this was a divine appointment for me.

While the carpet cleaner was at my house cleaning, he noticed that I was reading the bible. He asked what book I was reading and I said, "The bible." I laugh about it now because he knew it was a bible, but he wanted to know what book of the bible I was reading! We chatted a little bit about God and he finished up the job and started to pack his truck up. On his way out, he handed me a card with his wife's name and phone number on it. He told me to call her that she was a great prayer warrior and she would be able to pray for me and stand on the Word if there was anything that I was praying about. I thanked him for the card and shut the door behind him. Now my nature is I wouldn't call the person and then I would put the card down somewhere and when I really needed to call the lady, I wouldn't be able to find the card. So out of my comfort zone, I called her. I introduced myself and told her that her husband had given me her card and I wanted to call and introduce myself. It's so amazing how God brings people into your life. The very first time we talked, I knew we were going to be friends. We prayed together on the phone and each of us shared a little bit about each other. We continued to call each other now and again and every time I called her, she told me that she had been praying for me. I really appreciated that. I really enjoyed talking with her.

To this day, I have never seen Greta face to face. We have only talked on the phone. I love it how God binds together the family of God. Its as if I have known her for years.

One day, she sent me a link on facebook and it was her testimony. Friends, this testimony is all to the glory of God and a great reminder to know the Word of God and what God says. Psalm 119:89 Forever, O Lord, Your Word is settled in heaven. We need to remember to take our eyes off of the situation and fix our eyes on the truth of God's Word. With Greta's permission, I am about to share one of the most radical redemptions of a family I have ever heard.

God Heals Broken Families - My Story
By Greta

I must admit it's embarrassing to have my mistakes laid out for the world to see. Some people know this story, but now you all will. What makes it worth your time and consideration? Because we all have the same thing in common. We are hopelessly broken and incapable of reaching God on our own. The good news is God reached down to us. He sent His son, Jesus to redeem you and me. This story is about why I am personally in need of my Savior. No, our stories may not be the same, but you are personally in need of my Savior too. This story is about what He did for me and my family. He is able and willing to do the same or even greater for you.

I don't think anyone gets married thinking they're going to eventually get divorced. No, that's what happens to other people. You know, the ones who did it all wrong. Not us. I mean we did it all right - both committed Christians, virgins, pre-marriage counseling, good job, no debt. So how, then, after just 3 ½ years did we find ourselves at a crossroads? That intersection where you realize what you thought you were getting isn't what you have. Disillusionment, disappointment, dissatisfaction. Well, since we weren't those other people who get divorced we stuck it out for two more years. Two more miserable years. Two more years of ignoring the very real problems we had and watching the distance go from a gap to a chasm. By the time my eyes were opened to the chasm, Carl had already checked out emotionally and spiritually. We may have been sleeping in the same bed but we were strangers.

I've tried a million times to figure out how something that started so right could go so wrong. I can see a myriad of contributing factors - immaturity, depression, being overwhelmed by responsibility - house, babies, Carl's long hours. But as I've prayed and asked God to show me where exactly things went wrong something finally came to me. "You lost your first love." I'm not talking about "the one that got away." I'm talking, quite frankly, about Jesus. Yes, I was a Christian. I was going to church regularly, involved in Bible studies, even a couples' one with Carl. But in the depths of my heart there was an inadequacy that invaded every part of my life and left me dissatisfied with everything. I became so weighed down with the cares of this world that I virtually ignored my husband and his needs and sank into misery.

Not surprisingly, Carl had had enough. The funny thing is even to this day, he has always said there's no legitimate reason for divorce. It all goes back to hardness of heart - my heart, your heart, our hearts. Now everyone says it takes two to tango and that for every divorce both parties are to blame. Unless, of course, there's adultery, and then the adulterer is always the one to blame, right? Wouldn't it be easy if it were that simple? See, when Carl left he immediately got involved with someone else. There you go, they were home wreckers, bent on destroying our "happy" family. Now I had everyone's support to find myself a "better" man, one who would play the part the right way and be faithful no matter what. No matter what. Carl's regret is that he didn't have the resolve to stick it out no matter what. To just pursue God no matter what. The problem is that pesky "no matter what" issue. The one that seems to follow us women around like a filthy rag. The one that excuses us every time we criticize our husbands for not doing enough to help us out around the house, for not taking enough interest in the kids, for not working hard enough so we can have all the things we need (WANT). The one that neglects/rejects their physical and emotional needs, disrespecting their hard work and provision for our families. You know, the one that justifies all our misconduct. And we have the gall to shame them for not being faithful no matter what.

Am I excusing unfaithfulness? By no means! Am I excusing myself? I cannot! When Carl left I was ready for him to go. I obviously wasn't making him happy, so I encouraged him to leave and go be with someone who would. Unfortunately, that someone was also married. Over the weeks and months that followed, God began to deal with me in a way I had longed for my whole life. He let me stew for a few weeks, trying to figure out on my own what I was going to do. My girlfriends hung out with me and let me cry and try to be strong and vent. Truthfully, they were furious with Carl for leaving and getting involved with someone else. (They should have been furious with me as well). That's a major reason why I knew what happened next was the Lord speaking directly to me. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I got a phone call from one of those mad girlfriends saying she felt she had to tell me God did NOT want me to give up on my marriage. I hung up the phone thoroughly unconvinced. As soon as I hung up my other girlfriend called and said pretty much the same thing. Knowing how angry both of them were, I knew there was no way they would have told me this unless it was really from God. I was starting to take notice. As soon as I hung up the phone, it rang a third time. This time it was my mom and she said the exact same thing as my girlfriends. She also encouraged me to call her best friend who happened to belong to a prayer group for people who were separated or divorced but believed God could heal their families. Now, anyone who knows me will tell you I'm one of the most strong-willed, stubborn people they know. But even the hard headed can recognize when God is trying to get their attention. From that moment, He called me away on an extremely difficult journey, but the best I've ever been on! He called me to Himself. And this journey began with repentance. He didn't seem immediately concerned with where Carl was or what he was doing. He was concerned with the state of my heart and my own sin. He began to open my eyes to all the ways I had disrespected and neglected my husband, not to mention the ways I had disrespected and neglected Him. I also saw the sin of encouraging my husband and the other woman to become involved. I called her and told her I was wrong and that I wanted to try to make it work with him. I asked her to walk away. She didn't. They stayed together for two years, buying a house together and planning to marry once we were divorced. It was the toughest two years of my life, learning to trust God with my heart and my future. What would become of us? How embarrassing that I was now one of those other people. One of those single mothers. I left college to get married. I was a stay-at-home mom and had been all my kids' lives. How would they not fall apart if I left them to get a job? What kind of job could I get that would afford daycare? Step by step God met every need we had. I became involved with that prayer group my mom's friend belonged to and those women taught me more than I ever thought possible. They were excellent mentors, unbelievably devoted to God's Word and seeing their families restored. They introduced me to Rejoice Marriage Ministries, a ministry dedicated to helping heal broken families God's way.

I sure messed up a lot those first years. I discovered that taking God at His Word meant acting on my faith. However, when you're learning to act sometimes you become really obnoxious. Carl and I would get into horrible fights because of something I would say, the exact thing Rejoice was teaching to avoid. What can I say, I had a lot to learn! I continued to pray for Carl and the other woman to repent and leave one another. Her husband actually joined our prayer group also. He was in the military and was getting ready to be stationed in Germany. His wife and Carl were on the verge of breaking up and she was seriously contemplating going back to her husband. But at the last minute she decided to stay and he had to leave without her. We were all greatly disappointed, but not devastated. God had begun to show me through prayer and His Word that He wanted to heal my family and that He wanted me to remain faithful to the covenant that we had made with one another and God the day we were married. I remained faithful all that time, wearing my wedding ring, being very careful not to be in inappropriate situations with other men. I asked God how He wanted me to treat Carl and He told me to treat him like my husband because that's who he was. So every chance I got I let him know how much I loved him. When he'd come over I would make him food or show him affection - I wanted him to see the changes God was making in me. I knew if I kept my distance because he was involved with someone else that he would never see how sorry I was. It would be no different than what made him want to leave in the first place. He says that even though he had no intentions of ever coming back that seeing my life genuinely change gave him hope.

Most people think that when a person becomes involved in adultery they completely turn their backs on God. Truthfully, many do. But I think we become very shortsighted when we assume all do. Carl knew that his relationship with the other woman was sinful. That's part of what frustrated me so much. He would say adultery is wrong, divorce is wrong, but he was going to do it anyway. He felt defeated and he just gave up on us. A friend's testimony gave me great hope. She told me how when she was a young Christian she had been involved in an adulterous relationship and that God was working on her heart the whole time until she eventually repented and left the relationship. I saw that even though Carl was in adultery he did love the Lord and God was still busy working on him. I continued to pray and to show him love and respect every chance I got.

After two years, though, the inevitable finally happened. Divorce! Carl put it off for so long I hoped and prayed the day would never come. But it did. That night I cried my eyes out. I remember asking God who would cover me now. I had gone from my parents' covering straight to my husband's. Even though he had been gone for two years we were still married. This felt so final and I felt so naked and alone. I asked God again how He wanted me to treat Carl. Did the divorce change anything from God's perspective? I clearly felt Him speak to my heart that Carl was still my husband in His eyes and that was how I was to continue treating him. He also lead me to Isaiah 54:4-8! I encourage you to take the time to read this passage. You will see that God is a compassionate redeemer. He still had a plan to redeem my relationship with Carl.

Something unexpected happened after the divorce. I found myself surprisingly free. Free from my commitment to stand? No! Free from the looming doom - the impending devastation I thought I would feel if I ever had to see that horrible day come. It came and went and God renewed His promise to me. He assured me that He was indeed greater than the state of Arizona or their ridiculous "no-fault divorces" that are handed out like candy. (I've heard AZ has the highest divorce rate in the nation). God was NOT going to force Carl to come back. He was, however, drawing him back with the very thing he truly wanted - a Godly wife. Not long after the divorce the other woman left Carl and remarried her husband, whom she had also divorced, eventually joining him in Germany. There was so much excitement! Prayers had been answered. It seemed only a matter of time now and we'd be back together too. What a relief to not only have her back with her own husband, but half the world away! I wish I could say we fell madly in love and remarried too - that comes later - 1 ½ years later. Carl was nearly devastated over the breakup and sought comfort in another ungodly relationship. As soon as I found out about her I felt God tell me it would come to nothing. It's awesome how God can look into the future and declare something as good as done. This new relationship was very tumultuous. God was continuing to bring lasting change to my life in the meantime. I finally had the relationship with God that I had always desired but never found. He was my best friend and, in spite of my circumstances, I had a great deal of peace and joy. I realized that whether Carl ever came back or not God and I would be just fine. I also realized I wasn't Carl's mother or the Holy Spirit, I was his helper. It wasn't my job to change him, it was God's. Carl says that was a major turning point for him. He knew my life had truly changed from the inside out. We continued spending time together. He was still involved with the other woman, but I knew he was unhappy with her. She treated him very badly. One of his co-workers knew everything about us, about the other women, and that I was standing for restoration and he actually told Carl I was going to win. It made me smile because I knew it was true. God in me was winning back God in Carl. Carl, however, would still have told you that he was never coming back even to the day before Thanksgiving 2003, when he called me up out of the blue and said he might like to give our marriage a shot. Wow! I was so caught off guard. Not because I didn't believe it would happen someday, but because I had no idea it would happen that day. What a reason to give thanks!

Now here's something you need to understand - sometimes repentance comes in a flood, all at once. But sometimes, it comes a little piece at a time. Sin can be very stubborn. And Satan doesn't like to give up his captives easily. That woman had little regard for Carl while he was with her, but as soon as his heart turned home she dug her claws in and fought to keep him away from me. Here I am in the world's eyes divorced. As for me, I remained faithful to my vows, even after the state nullified our marriage. I sought God's opinion and His Word states, "what God has put together let no man separate." So, when my husband wanted to come home, even if it was a little piece at a time, I knew it was honorable to God, like the prodigal son whose father had been anxiously waiting and watching for the day his son would return. When he saw his boy on the horizon he ran to him with open arms and threw a party in his honor. What a wonderful example God gave us in Scripture of His own reaction to us when we even take one step toward home. He meets us ready to forgive and restore.

We renewed our vows July 25, 2004. It hasn't been an easy road back. We have definitely seen God's blessing, but it has taken work. Most people rejoiced that we were together again. Others found it difficult to forgive, but God is healing those relationships with time and truth. We lost a child along the way, a baby girl named Hope, who was too premature to survive. She was a great and painful loss. They say most marriages don't survive the death of a child, let alone one that's on the mend, but God has been the glue that has held us together. We have a much different relationship than we did before. We have become best friends. We encourage and support one another, handle disagreements and conflicts with respect. We cherish one another. I must say, that's pretty darn cool! But most importantly, our relationships with Christ are solid. After all we've been through and seen God do in our lives we have been forever changed. I share this testimony with you to encourage you. Christ must be your first love - above your spouse, above your kids, your job, your church, everything. He is a jealous God, jealous for your devotion and affection. When He is first, most other relationships tend to straighten themselves out, but even if they don't He is completely sufficient to meet every need you have. He is a restorer of broken lives. We are living proof! To Him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.